


A reunion of the unpleasant variety

by ChopinWorshipper



Series: My beloved nemesis - My significant bother [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: (I love that show and book though), Gen, Nonbinary Character, Raphael is just DONE, also don't read this if you like donald trump, asmodeus has the weirdest ways of getting under someone's skin, asmodeus is an asshole, asmodeus uses ze/zir pronouns, but losing his temper would be un-angelic, but still, even with angels, i didn't even fricken know what fandom i should tag this in, sorry but this is not Good Omens, these two hate each other with a burning passion, this is not meant to be slash between the two, though i couldn't think of anyone who actually does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26486983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChopinWorshipper/pseuds/ChopinWorshipper
Summary: The archangel Raphael gets sent to an unlikely place and encounters his nemesis. They have a not-so-friendly conversation.
Relationships: Asmodeus/Beelzebub (mentioned), Asmodeus/Lilith (mentioned)
Series: My beloved nemesis - My significant bother [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148942
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	A reunion of the unpleasant variety

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CelticSaemi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticSaemi/gifts).



_What am I doing here?_ , Raphael wondered. _I could be protecting travellers, healing people's body and soul, or I could be kicking demon butt. And instead I get sent to a fricken fashion show?!_

He sighed. This was _so_ not his department.

But never would he go against the orders of the Most High.

So he returned his attention to the catwalk.

Those models were really pitiful; they were too thin and obviously underweight. Their feet and leg muscles were deformed from always wearing high heels (the humans didn't seem to notice, but for him as an angel it was plain to see). How could they even walk in those?! Also, their clothes looked pretty ridiculous – no ordinary person would walk around like that, even if they could afford it!

At some point someone approached and stood next to him.

“Nice show, isn't it?”, the woman commented.

Her voice was rather sultry, Raphael noticed. That and eerily familiar …

“Not really”, the archangel muttered and clutched his book tighter. “That poor woman is too thin, her feet and legs are deformed from the high heels and-”

He stopped short.

Remembered, where he knew that voice from.

“ASMODEUS!?!”, he yelped and leapt back.

The archdemon sipped her – no, _zir_ – green cocktail with weird relaxation, as if they weren't an archangel and a Prince of Hell meeting at a fashion show of all places.

Hastily Raphael looked around, if anyone had heard his outcry, but no one had.

Asmodeus grinned diabolically.

“Do you like my new disguise, archangel?”, ze purred and a fracture of zir demonic nature leaked through.

“Disguise?”

Asmodeus was looking like a tall, slim woman with golden blonde hair, turquoise eyes and cherry red lips. And ze was wearing a burgundy-coloured dress – knee length, no sleeves and lots of cleavage, as if zir voluptuous breasts _had_ to be high-lighted even further!

A far cry from zir horrifying true form.

Either way, Raphael was not impressed.

“Sooo … what are you this time? The Whore of Babylon warming up for the Apocalypse? A stereotypical femme fatale from an action movie?”, he snarked.

“Shut up, it works! Also, what are _you_ supposed to be? A geeky teenager? A vertically challenged librarian?”, Asmodeus bit back.

For the split of a second Raphael wished he could reduce the demon to ashes with a single glare, but for that Asmodeus was a little _too_ powerful.

So what if he looked like a teenage boy, with his short statue, tan skin, dark brown curls and chocolate brown eyes? _He_ wasn't the one looking like a total slut!

“What are you even doing here?”, he hissed.

The archdemon smirked: “I do believe that I should be the one to ask you that question: what is the archangel Raphael doing at a fashion show?”

“Oh trust me, I was wondering about that myself”, Raphael admitted, “But I guess the answer to that question is you.”

“The way you say that is just adorable.”

“Shut up, fiend.”

“Nah, I don't think I will.”

Raphael groaned in frustration. But then he had an idea: perhaps he could distract the Prince of Hell from doing further evil by making some smalltalk.

“So, how are you doing? Apart from being all wicked and junk, I mean?”

“Charming as always, aren't you? But I'm doing quite well. And you, little archangel? Don't you ever get tired of being all goody-goody?”

The archangel swallowed his irritation and rolled his eyes. “Oh, be assured, it never gets boring. Especially with the likes of you.”

“I'll take that as a compliment, my fondly loathed.”

“Take that whatever way you will, I don't care. How is Lilith?”

Asmodeus blinked. “My wife? Oh she's fine.”

“Good. Your children?”

“As always.”

“And your partner?”

“Beelzebub is fine – sort of. My poor prince is always so tired.”

“Is ze here?”, Raphael inquired.

“No. Ze's in Washington D.C., temping politicians.”

The archangel snorted: “Of course ze is. Ze must have easy game corrupting all those bastards.”

The archdemon cackled at the other's use of the b-word, but replied: “There isn't much left to corrupt, my dearly detested. Those guys are shockingly terrible people as it is. And don't even get me started on their president.”

“Oh yeah. But it doesn't look to me like all of his misdeeds were Beelzebub's doing. Did _you_ corrupt him too?”

“Yes and no. Donald Trump is naturally a nasty piece of work. He fell under my sway so easily, it's almost hilarious.”

Raphael's eyes hardened. “You have to be a special kind of evil to think that what this creep does is hilarious.”

“I'm the Prince of Lust, little archangel. Do you think I would have gained the position if I _wasn't_ a special kind of evil? Apart from that”, Asmodeus continued and set zir empty glass on the table, “All I had to do was giving him a push here and there. He's so vile, the rest came by itself. But if it makes you feel better, we have a special place in Hell for him reserved.”

“In the pit of boiling pitch?”, Raphael guessed (trying not to sound too hopeful).

The archdemon smirked: “My, my, my dearly detested! If I didn't know better, I would think you would take pleasure in that man's punishment!”

The archangel smiled lopsidedly. “The thought does satisfy me actually. Maybe I'm a hypocrite.”

“That or you're just an overly emotional, little archangel – or both”, the blonde taunted.

“Shut up.”

“A silly, silly, little archangel~”, Asmodeus sing-sang.

“Shut. Up.”

“You must be the odd one out among the other archangels! Courageous Michael, focussed Gabriel, wise Uriel … and who are you?”

“The one who will drag you all the way to the Mariana Trench and chain you the bottom, if you don't shut your mouth _right now_ ”, Raphael warned. “That's about eleven kilometres under water, by the way. So even if you have got over your aquaphobia by now, it won't be pretty.”

Asmodeus inhaled sharply, but ceased the taunting. Ze knew full well, the archangel was serious.

“You're such a spoilsport, my beloved nemesis!”

“You know, when you call me that, it's just as creepy as it is annoying, when you call me 'little archangel'.”

Asmodeus laughed: “You are, though.”

“My corporation could be taller than yours and you would still call me that, wouldn't you?”

“Absolutely”, the demon purred. “You always were and always will be. The silly little angel I met way back when.”

 _Before I fell. When I was still a Burning One_ – that ze didn't say, but Raphael heard it anyway.¹

Asmodeus never actually spoke of the time before and that was probably better. It made zir angry and when Asmodeus was angry, zir wrath could rival that of Satan – ze didn't bear zir name for nothing.

Once a man had caught zir in the name of King Solomon, with the help of Raphael's chains and Michael's signet ring. On the way to Jerusalem, the furious archdemon had laid entire landscapes and villages to waste, until an elderly lady had politely asked zir to stop.²

“You still have … a fiery temper”, Raphael deadpanned.

The Prince of Hell chortled at the bad pun.

“By the way, Asmodeus, you still haven't told me what exactly it is you're doing here. 'The usual' is not a satisfactory answer.”

Ze smirked. “Oh, but it doesn't matter, my revered adversary, because my work here is already done. In fact, I was already on my way out, when I saw you and decided to chat a little with my old – oh, no thank you”, ze declined, when someone offered zir a glass of wine.

This was the fifth time since their conversation had begun, that someone was try to flirt with Asmodeus and it was starting to get on Raphael's nerves.

“Sir, would you please tell your friends over there, that my sibling and I are trying to have a talk _without_ being interrupted by pitiful flirting attempts every two minutes”, he scolded the stranger.

He upped the intimidation factor in his aura and voice just enough for the man to back off.

As soon as the human was out of hearing range, the archdemon started to giggle.

“ _Sibling_?!”

The archangel shrugged. “It's not really a lie.”

“I never said that. It's just weird to hear an _archangel_ call me their _sibling_! Your kindred always seems so eager to … _repress_ that fact.”

The archdemon in woman's form grinned, miracled a jacket out of thin air and turned to leave.

“Well, it's been fun, little archangel, but now I have to go. Some of us are busy people. Ah, and you might want to pick up your book, it's been lying on the floor throughout our entire talk. Oh, by the way …”

Asmodeus bent down to whisper into the archangel's ear: “ … Your new corporation is absolutely adorable!”

Then ze strutted away, like a woman on top of the world, while almost everyone in the room stared after zir, entranced.

Raphael on the other hand took a deep breath and picked up his book, frowning.

_Oh Lord on high, forgive my lack of patience, but ze is such a prick!_

**Author's Note:**

> 1) According to the "Admirable History" by Sebastien Michaelis (a French inquisitor in the late 16th and early 17th century) Asmodeus was a Seraph before ze fell (Seraph translates as "Burning One").  
> 2) That incident is part of a funny short story mentioned in the Babylonian Talmud.


End file.
